just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
