he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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