Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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