There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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