He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just high enough for therapy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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