He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
