omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
