Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
