Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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