its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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