I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize