you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
