My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
