so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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