On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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