so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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