Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
