Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
