I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
