I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
