it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
