you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
