Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The best revenge is premature balding
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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