piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
