How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize