Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
