at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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