doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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