I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
