he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
