Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
