I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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