I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize