Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
