My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize