just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
