Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
