my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
