i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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