It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
