I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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