to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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