just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
