Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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