No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
