I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
