Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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