You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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