her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
