don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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