Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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