Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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