i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize