Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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