There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
