Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
