I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
