butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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