dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
