I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
