Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
