I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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