walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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