i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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