Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
