Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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