As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
