I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
