Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize