just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
