Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
