Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
