I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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