before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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