i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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