he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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