It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
