Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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