Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
