I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
