plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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