I wish I could teleport
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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