Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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