Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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