He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you had me at cake vodka
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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