the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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