I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
this hospital has no fireball
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize