my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
