just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your shirt... Was in my pants
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
