why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
