Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
