I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
