i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
