We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
