meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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