he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am available for nakedness
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