Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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