I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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