She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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