I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
