Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize