I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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