i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
