Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
