My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
