she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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