I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
whose parrot is this?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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