I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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